I looked down at the deed that I done. Hunched over like ya hadn't slept for weeks.
You were smiling. Ya, that's right. There was that same goddamn grin ya always had. That grin showed ya had no idea 'bout the awful things goin' on in the world. That grin that showed ya had no idea what we was on the run from. Let me tell ya something. What we was running from was somethin' bigger than the both of us. I just got tired, Lennie. I couldn't keep runnin' from it.
You know what your problem was? You didn't know what was what. You could never tell when enough was enough. Goddamn there was many times when I shoulda pointed ya south, then tell ya I'll come back for ya. Let you go chase 'em rabbits. And I tried, Lennie. But you always came back to me. Why's it that the people we want to leave, stay? And the people we want to stay, go runnin'?
But I didn't leave. Ya, I didn't have the damn guts, Lennie. And that's why I pulled the trigger. Because I didn't have the damn guts. Shootin' a man don't take no guts. Trust me. I ain't no pansy, Lennie, but there ain't no shame in a man sayin' he has no guts. But there is shame in having no heart. And I had one. I know this because I felt pains in it when I looked in your eyes.
You said you wanted to live off the fatta the land, Lennie. But you couldn't live off no land. The lands of this world weren't made for you. I knew you wouldn't understand, so I pulled the trigger. I knew nobody would come lookin.
I'm foldin' this up and puttin' it in your pocket. When you get to where you are goin', read it. If ya don't understand a word, ask God for help.
I did this for you, Lennie. I did this so you could finally find those rabbits. And do things only because they feel good. I wish more people could do that.
Truly,
George Milton
