(Love Poem)

It's so nice to wake up in the morning
all alone
and not have to tell somebody you love them
when you don't really love them
anymore

You know you've made it. PART I

When (ex) hardcore kids name their pets after you.

That's Latin.

I bet you didn't know any Latin.

Rosenthal.

I like that Jamie can use any camera (let alone his amazing one), and still take a photo with great composition. I think that so many photographers hide behind their equipment and/or photoshop. I don't want that. Side note: I think I look deceivingly fat, but hey, he likes these.

I know what ______ want.

What does Post-postmodernism look like?

Cowardice

What a turn off.

Let me prove to you.

If you have to guess if this is for you, it's not.

I'm counting sleep, I'm losing sheep.

Sun down Sun up
I speak in sarcasm to relate to all the things I appreciate
I lie in rhythm to open doors I follow suit and just want more
My reputation is the same its been and I don't care what happens
I read the book so I know the end
I've probably said too much
But I've never felt more accomplished
I'm losing sleep
I'm losing friends
I've got a love hate love
With the city I'm in
I'll count the hours
Having just one wish
If I'm doing fine
There's no point to this.

Throne/Thrown

I am so close, and I can't let anyone get in my way. I wish I could sleep tonight, but I have clamped my eyelids open.

I am scared, and anxious. I think it is right under my nose.

Heels.

Starting my placement on November 2nd at Malvern Collegiate Institute. It's some upper-middle class school located at The Beaches. It apparently has the best English program in the city, and it was given some peace prize for practicing global education and diversity within the school. Wikipedia tells me Alex Trebek, Kiefer Sutherland, Keanu reeves, Glen Gould, Don Getty, and Norman Jewison all graduated from Malvern CI.

So, it's fair to say I am pretty excited? If I get a good evaluation and reference here, I will be an extremely lucky girl. I am going to work my ass off. I have already started shopping for my wardrobe (so many pencil skirts, menswear blazers, and pumps). I am so excited to get dressed for "work" everyday. I want to redefine the idea of an English teacher. I want kids to know you can listen to Black Flag and feel disdain towards general society, but still find the merits in high modernist literature (just try to tell me T.S. Eliot didn't loathe the system). But seriously, I want to inspire and be inspired my entire life.

Maybe this shoe finally fits.

Downtown Owl.

Black is the new black.

Cellar Door.

I hate knowing that I will never be the first.

Artisan.

I love it here. I love my neighbourhood, and I love my house. It's so funny how a change of location can make you feel alive again. I love Hamilton, but I was so sick of big fishes in a small pond.

Starting school soon, and I am a little nervous about it. I can't wait to really focus on my program and my placements. For now I am remaining unemployed, but there is a chance of me working on Queen Street if I find that I have enough time. Working at The Sil, having a retail job, and being a full time student throughout my undergrad has shown me that I really can balance a lot all at once. I like that about myself.

Getting a cute bike soon, excited to ride around the city in dresses. I get really excited about small things, always. I like that about myself, too.

I would give it all up for alliteration.

It always seems to be raining on the way to your city
The clouds part just enough for me to push through.
Somewhere between the departure and the destination,
I feel clarity.

My heart feels alive with every kiss,
My hands lose control with every word.
My nails look afright.
Forgive me.

I am building a monument of your heart.
Crumbling like Giza.
We will rise from the ruins, and loot the place for what's ours.


I think it's romantic, too.

Love.

He walks on red carpets all the time, in my mind.

This way to the gun show.

My Trapped Under Ice Interview.

http://www.punknews.org/article/34311

Raccoon Eyes.

I feel overwhelmed. Everything is moving at a pace that I know I shouldn't keep up with, but I do so willingly because failure has never been an option. My new job at Red Leaf Student Programs may very well be killing me, but I know I will continue to give it my all. The kids here are really cool, and for the most part, they are all really keen on learning English and engaging in Canadian culture (which is really a hodge podge of all of their own cultures). It's so interesting to see just how different today's youth are, solely based on where they come from. The Spanish and Italians are so metropolitan. They dress immaculately, want to shop all the time, and seem to be living a cosmopolitan lifestyle, even in the midst of a summer camp. The Mexicans are so warm and kind-hearted. They are surprisingly Americanized, and tell the best jokes with the best delivery. The girls who arrived from St. Maarten are absolutely adorable. They are constantly coming up to me and hugging me, holding my hand, and asking me about boys and my life.

I originally started this blog as some sort of social commentary, but it has evolved into a personal journal of sorts. That said, this job is making me remember just how much I love observing life, style, and culture in the most basic sense. I think that sometimes we ask to many questions about those who are "different" from us, when really, all we have to do is sit back and find out for ourselves.

Someone has to fill it.

ISIS interview.
http://www.punknews.org/interviews

I know exactly what goes on.

I feel like I need to get my priorities back in check. I get overly excited about things, but then I realize that I am being far too idyllic.

That said, I'm moving to Oakville on June 30th for six weeks because I got this fantastic new job at a summer program which allows international students to not only improve their English, but to also discover Canadian culture. I'm going to get to do a lot of new things with this job, and I'm looking forward to it. My shifts are 7:30-6pm, and I get Sundays off. I can already count on one hand the people who I know will still make plans with me (not including the friends I already have there).

Meowmeowmeow.

All we know.

So many updates on the way. Life is changing fast, and I'm feeling really great about it. Celebrated Nancy's birthday at Sneaky Dee's last night (what a mess), and somehow I made it back to Hamilton for a 9:30 am hair appointment.

Inspired by Stevie Nicks.

CO2

And like a clogged artery
You get in the way
An anchor to a docked ship
The hesitation of moving forward keeps me dragging behind

Empty words lead you to empty bottles and I'm leaving nothing behind me but dust

American Nightmare.

I have been meaning to post this for awhile. So sketchy quality. So witty. So good.

Well, it helps if you are obsessed with the band. R.I.P.

Clean out your cupboard.

Now that I'm going to teacher's college, a lot of people have asked me why I have "given up" on journalism. That question always makes me feel really uncomfortable, as I think that nothing ever truly dies. Sure, I'm saying goodbye to a job I had at The Silhouette, but that does not mean I'm never going to write again. If I actually have a passion for this, I will freelance. If I don't, then it probably means it was a phase in my life that had its purpose but is now over. Right at this moment, I'm not too sure which is more accurate. All I know is that I have far too much creativity to just sit back and take on one thing. I need to be trying a million things, and getting great them. It's just in my composition. I have been into thrifting and reconstructing lately, and I'm really supporting my friend in her design endeavours (I will post about this with pics soon).

As conceited as I sound, I know I'm talented as hell. I know that no matter what I do I will be a success, because in all honesty, I won't allow for any other outcome.

You better work.

LG Fashion week was a huge success. Can't say I had much to do with it, but I did get the chance to dress models backstage. Skinny bitches.

I had a great time, but I'm glad that I'm not a part of that world. I couldn't believe how full of themselves some of the girls were, even though they looked like emaciated bone racks. This one girl I dressed was a bitch to me. It's not like she said anything, but it was just in the way she acted. She barely lifted her arms to get on her dress, and expected me to do everything. Karma is hilarious as usual though, and when she was going down the runway, her shoe got dislodged and she was walking with a horribly awkward limp. While most people backstage had a look of concern, I had a pretty big smile.

Apart from that, everyone was nice (and fake). Ended the evening by going to New Ho King for some general tao chicken and tofu. Place rules.

Couple awkward pics.






Bi.

Like a cigarette, she makes it hard to breathe.

I'm currently waiting on a delivery of caffeine pills. I'm not buying a whole bottle, just enough to get me through this all nighter. Remember when I was "true"? UH.

As for my life, it's looking pretty decent. Here is my upcoming week:

Monday: Come off my all-nighter, volunteer, hand-in my paper, night class, write another paper.

Tuesday: Hand-in another essay, travel up to Toronto and work at Fashion Week from 5-10pm. I'm going to be backstage dressing some of the models, I can't wait to develop an eating disorder after that.

Wednesday: Production night at The Sil. It's the week we're putting together The Music Issue...my little baby. This is the last thing I'm going to do at the paper that really means anything to me. I'll probably get emotional.

Thursday: Calling in sick to work, going to classes, going to Buffalo to see Morrissey. Yeah, that's right.

Friday: I can't remember, but I know I have some kind of social plans.

See you.

Dorsay.

March 2009. Probably one of the most intense months of my life. Each day I feel closer to becoming a female Patrick Bateman. Every minute of my life is calculated. Even the ones I spend procrastinating. I find pleasure in clothing, records, and restaurants and this Batemanian life is pleasing. Goodnight.

Dance like nobody's watching??

Sick of the hordes following around the camera guy. Look, I get it. It's the whole, "Fuck. I hope he takes a picture of me because I spent hours picking out my best outfit, and I want _______ to see me and think 'Whoa, ________ is really fucking cool'"

It's one thing if you are in a photo at random, but it's another thing if you actually move across the dance floor hovering like flies over a fresh carcass. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the water and there is a current pulling everyone around me. Schools of fish that move like one big mirrored reflection. It's just funny to me, especially when I'm dead sober, which I am doing more and more just so I am able to laugh inside my own head and still remember it weeks later.

Want.

Oh hi.







Ash Stymest ladies and gentleman.

I got it

Muse. - by Sarah Elhamz on Polyvore.com

Never take candy from strangers.

Is actually something we need to consider more often.

Get it?